Terra Nova Rock-n-rova!

We just watched Terra Nova. It's like one part 1984, one part Lost, one part Land of the Lost, and one part Jurassic Park.

It's a dystopian future set in 2149. You can't hardly breathe the air and you're only allowed to have x amount of children. A tear in the time space continuum allows people to go back 85 million years. (I'm sure this will be explained in greater detail. It was touched on and it sort of quelled any how the fuck are they not going to fuck with their own future questions - at least for the time being.) It's governmental about who can go back - because if everyone went through the portal all at once it was be total chaos - like a Metallica or Who convert. There are dinosaurs, neo-neo hippies, electricity, and a certain amount of natural human treachery.

It's too early to tell if it's just going to be good, or great. I'm hoping great. We'll see...

Persons of Interest - Seriously?

Like EVERYONE else, I loved Lost. Sure, I understand if you missed it from the very first episode, you were essentially - lost. But it was brilliant. Great characters, great story lines, great mysteries. You go, JJ Abrams! Well done!

And then there's Fringe, which is also great. Each episode gets wrapped up at the end, BUT there's a bigger mystery that connects them all. I tip my hat to you, JJ. Huzzah! Heck, the White Tulip episode is one of the best of all TVdom.

(Although ironically, I just watched the season opener of Fringe and I found myself totally lost. Wait, where are we? What's going on? What's happening back then over there in the future?)

So it was with great anticipation that I found myself watching Persons of Interest - yet another Bad Robot production. It has the creepy leader of the Others from Lost (Michael Emerson), it has Jesus (Jim Caviezel), and it has the writer from Dark Knight (Jonathan Nolan). This thing is going to be off the CHAIN, yo!

Um, no.

Not only is it still connected to the chain, it's locked up in the back yard. I felt like I was watching one of my parent's cop shows - CSI, Law & Order, NCIS, Blue Bloods - take your pick.

When something just so totally sucks as much as this, I cannot go over the inanity of the plot with you. That's just bad AND dull. There is a 'twist', but it's the kind you find in the preface of the Junior Twist handbook. Oh, and concerning character development - within the first 7 minutes Jim Caviezel goes from homeless derelict loner on the train to super spy in a smart looking suit (and then fashion forward jeans and smart looking leather jacket) who cares about people. And apparently Michael Emerson has a limp. It's hard to tell.

WTF?!

Eye roll...

Yawn.

I don't see how Persons of Interest will hold a person's interest.

I'm disappointed, JJ. Very disappointed.

X-Factor.y

Last night I turned on the tv and X-factor was on. Just like that. Didn't look for it, didn't set it up for a recording. It was just there. So I started watching it. I watched for about 9 minutes.

It looked just like American Idol. Just like it. There was a guy who looked a lot like Randy Jackson, but was NOT Randy Jackson. There was a woman who looked a lot like Paula Abdul who actually was Paula Abdul. And there was a guy - albeit somewhat older - who looked a lot like Simon Cowell who actually was Simon Cowell.

And there was some other woman with an Irish accent. I have no idea who she is or who she would be in an AI scenario.

Oh, and it's Pepsi instead of Coke.

Anyway, there's no host, but they did spend a few montage minutes on how Simon and the guy who's supposed to be Randy - just can't find common ground. One says yes, the other says no. One says black, the other says white. You get it.

Tension. Conflict.

Ok, so some woman comes on and sings a Pussycat Doll song. I don't think she's good. Neither does the Randy Jackson guy. Simon likes her so she will go to the next round.

The music starts as they introduce Stacy Francis - a 42 year old single mom with a 3 year old and a 5 month old. Something like that. The music tells us we need to care about her and feel bad for her. Apparently she has a dream, she's struggling to make ends meet, blah blah blah.

She's almost in tears as she stands there introducing herself to the judges. Her friend watching the kids backstage IS crying.

"What song are you going to sing, Stacy?"

"Natural Woman, Aretha Franklin."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ok. Best of luck, sweetheart."

Stacy then proceeds to rip the roof off the place. Rips it right off. I mean, the heavens open up and the Lord is looking down with his mouth hanging open. Whatever the X factor is, Stacy has it. You don't have to be a Hollywood record producer to know you can add another garage to your mansion. The ENTIRE audience is beside themselves. This is a Susan Boyle moment. Maybe not as grotesque, but it's gold. She gets a standing ovation and her cheeks are black with mascara.

All the judges say yes. No suspense here. Duh.

The music sweeps in AGAIN cuing us that we should feel triumphant and blessed. But as Stacy is walking back to wherever they store the contestants, she's pushing a stroller. I'm pretty sure it's an Orbits stroller. This is a $1000 stroller with some bells and not all whistles. I'm not sure how much Stacy is struggling. Nonetheless, she's got the pipes.

Anyway, as far as AI and XF - it's a Seattle's Best compared to a Starbucks. It tastes the same.

And it will also turn out an Xfactory of CDs, DVDs, downloads, and tours.

Dear Instapeeps

I love Instagram because I love my iPhone and my daughter - although not necessarily in that order.

I don't really use it as a Social Media channel. I'm just taking snaps of my kid. The ones I like, I curate/post to Tumblr.

So I'm posting this here to tell you that I'm not trying to hog the instafeed, nor I am trying to pander for likes or comments as I fire off shot after shot of my little girl. Don't get me wrong, I like the likes and comments, and just last night I discovered there were quite a few. So thank you.

But mostly I'm just geeking the filters and playing with the tilt shift.

;-)

Two things:

1) The new Instagram update is great.

2) Followgram Me, which is a place to view your Instagram photos, is pretty cool. I'm here.

2.5 Men - 1 Man + 1 Man = Sucks

When I heard Charlie Sheen 'lost his mind' and turned into a rock star warlock from Mars while essentially jumping out the window of Two and a Half Men, I thought, "Wow! That's crazy! Charlie is crazy! Why would he throw all that away and make such a spectacle of himself?! How crazy!"

I have one and half things to say about this upon reflection, and in light of the new show that just aired starring Ashton Kutcher.

1) Charlie Sheen is not crazy.

.5) What if this was all planned?

Let's start with the first point, in which I must confess I've never watched Two and a Half Men. I've seen a clip here or there while surfing - maybe consuming 4 minutes of its 8 seasons. I assessed that Charlie and Jon Cryer are brothers. Angus is the son of Jon. They live in Malilbu in Charlie's house. For some reason Charlie has money, he's able to bed lots of women, and admits to a loutish reputation. I have no idea if that's correct. I've never watched the show. It strikes me as lame and boorish.

But because of all the ballyhoo and buzz, I could not miss Charlie's antics, name calling, firing, resulting Torpedo tour, and Ashton Kutcher stepping up to fill his shoes. I'm a regular person with cable, internet, and the occasional tabloid magazine in line at the grocery.

Charlie Sheen is CRAZY!

Duh.

So I watched the 9th season premiere along with 28.7 million people - the most viewers in its history. Again, I don't know the premise of the show. But the new season opens with the funeral of Charlie. Women tell the things he left them - herpes, vaginal warts, etc. Someone wants money owed him for 'pharmaceuticals'.

THANK GOD the show uses a laugh track. The ONLY funny line I can recall was when the 'widow' explains Charlie died when he was hit by a train and "exploded like a balloon full of meat". That was funny.

But what a steaming stream of stinking shit Two and a Half Men is. It IS boorish and lame - even with this extraordinary opportunity to reinvent/reboot itself.

8 seasons?

Seriously?

No, seriously?

Sigh.

I don't need to tell about the rest of the show. Ashton will be a kindler/gentler Charlie. That's pretty much it.

So, to conclude my first point, 8 seasons of lame one liners and canned laughter mixed with LOTS of money and celeb status - no wonder Charlie Sheen wanted out. I get it.

Now let me address my half point:

Tv Star + (Appearance of) Crazy X Publicity = RATINGS.

Ok, that's not rocket surgery. Let's also all know that despite the brilliance of having a two part opener, the ratings are going to DIVE. But now let's jump ahead to the tenth or eleventh season when the show MUST come to an end. Charlie Sheen is back on earth and in Hollywood's good graces now that he's been paid what he's owed, and he's getting all the syndication money. Everyone loves everyone. Right? So why wouldn't they bring Charlie back from his closed casket 'death' and go for a ratings campaign AGAIN?

Money. In. The. Bank.

Hmmm, maybe that's more than half a point.

Nonetheless, I feel my math is correct. Feel free to add it up yourself.

Jersey Shore - tv show, short bus

I've been to New Jersey. There's a reason it's called the garden state. It's beautiful. I've heard there are parts that are not so pretty. The part I saw was pretty.

And, of course, there's Springsteen.

Love. Springsteen.

But then there's this TV show called Jersey Shore. There's a good chance you've seen it, or know about it. I've seen it. There was so much buzz and ballyhoo I HAD to see it. So I found it on the Mtv and watched it.

A) I'm probably too old for this show.

B) I'm probably too old for the Mtv.

Jersey Shore is fascinating in the way all reality tv shows are fascinating. It's a car accident. It's human nature to slow down, peer into the smoking wreckage, and look for body parts. Call it rubbernecking. Call it bloodlust.

Or call it ratings.

In school, or at home, somewhere you learned NOT to make fun of the people on the short bus. These people were often called retarded, or retards. There, I said it. Retards. It wasn't nice to make fun of them. It's still not nice to make fun of them. And further, if you're politically correct, you don't even use that word. You say mentally challenged. Of course, you might say m'tarded among close friends. Whatever.

Jersey Shore is a show about the people on the short bus, and if that short bus was in a car accident. It really isn't nice. You watch them drink and yell and fight and make fools of themselves. I feel bad for them - the cast. I mean, with their residuals, tv commercials, and other endorsements, I don't feel THAT bad. But I feel bad that they are retarded, on fire, and covered in blood. In real life I would call 911, get out of my car, and do what I could. Absolutely. I know it. But with this, I can't even slow down to look. I don't want to. Am I above it? No. Do I find it shameful, sad and embarrassing? Yes.

Sigh...

I guess I just roll up the window, and drive on...

It's a town full of losers, and I'm pulling out of here to win...

Twitter Rocks!

Facebook is nice, you can't help but 'like' it. Youtube is great because you can see it ALL. Google is brilliant because you can know EVERYTHING.

Twitter fucking rocks!

Here is my epiphany about Twitter:

Twitter is the new CB radio.

1971: Breaker19, this is Papa Smurf! You around Foxy Lady?
2011: @papasmurf @foxylady OMFG! Hope I get 2cu! LOL!

Right? Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

People have handles and use jargon and there's always something happening somewhere. I know that's the most obvious and simple analogy. But here's the big one: Hashtags are the new convoy. #EverybodyGetOnBoard

BOOM!

Twitter is a constant feed of politics, news, celebs, sports, whatever your interest. But not only do you have this avalanche of information and links, you also have access to people. Anyone. Your best friend, your clients and peers, the famous. It's an ENORMOUS public forum.

That said, I recently learned I could follow porn stars. (Follow, not stalk.) Porn is ALWAYS ahead of everyone when it comes to technology. The thing about following porn stars on Twitter is that it's fun, funny, and FASCINATING!

Joanna Angel (@JoannaAngel)
9/13/11 5:03 PM
I did double vag for the first time this.morning @OMGitsJessieLee I thought of you the whole time !!!!!

Sure, there are xxx twitbots that will start to follow you, but you can block them. It's spam. C'est la net, non?

Yesterday morning I saw that Jenna Jameson (@jennajameson) had tweeted she didn't care for the True Blood finale. Well, I also didn't care for the finale and had just posted that on my blog. So I copied the url, hit reply on her tweet, and sent it off.

Yesterday I think had five hits - all of them mine. But this morning I saw there were more than a thousand. And that was pretty cool.

:-)

That's it. That's all I got.

Twitter rocks!

Well done, Biz & Jack!

PS. Thanks for the RT, Jenna!

Loose Change

I watched a documentary last night on the Netflix. Loose Change. It's about 9/11 and how we did it to ourselves. Specifically, Bush and the power elite - to us. It's a conspiracy theory video.

Conjecture.

Where is the wreckage of flight 93? Where is ANY video footage of ANY plane hitting the Pentagon? It's the PENTAGON - no surveillance? And why do the twin towers and WTC 7 seem to free fall as if there were controlled demolitions at play? They collapse into themselves in 8.4 seconds. How are these the ONLY steel buildings (in all of history) to collapse because of fire? Also, why are there explosions seen in the lower floors of the towers as they fall? What the fuck IS that? The weight of it all falling perfectly down?

Is this all a planned Pearl Harbor catalyst event? I ask because if the hijackers were all from Saudi Arabia, why did we go into Iraq looking for Saddam Hussein? How's the math work on that?

That happened, right?

The film is fascinating. It is. I mean I guess any conspiracy theory is fascinating because it makes you think. Like what the fuck happened to Kennedy? Magic bullet, what? Why does he grab his throat BEFORE his skull explodes?

We all know that rabbit hole goes deep.

And so does this.

I'm not saying I believe everything in this film, but it does bring up some pretty weird coincidences and points of fact. You can check it out here and here.

Of course, it's debunked here and here.

Who the fuck knows? No matter who did it, how it happened, and whatever else - it's terrifying. Period.

Although, I suppose if the conspiracies are true, then it's more terrifying.

Falling Skies Fucking Sucked

What a shiny wet turd this was. Amazingly awful! Should have been called Falling Crap.

I started watching because Spielberg had his name attached. Noah Wiley, I could care less. But Spielberg - this was going to be good. It was going to have aliens and mindblowing special effects. It was going to have a good story and decent writing. It was going to have good characters, funny one-liners, and it was going to have a heart.

Um, no.

First of all it starts somewhere in the middle. In the first two minutes of the show there is this montage of children's drawings showing/telling about the alien invasion. That's the whole set up. If you missed this, or thought it was just some crappy title sequence, you needed to go back - because what the fuck are we doing here, now?!

Seriously, WTF?!

So, bam, we're six months later with a band of survivors. Most of the world is dead. Ok, fine. I'll accept that. It's a bit off putting, not knowing the how, why, and what the fuck happened, but ok, this is going to be a story of survival. Fine. Bring it on.

Actually, you know what, this is a waste of time. I am not going to review/wrap up this lump of shit. I watched the whole fucking season because I'm a hopeful person who gives people (and tv shows apparently) the benefit of the doubt. I kept thinking, ok, something is going to happen, there's going to be an awesome twist and this thing is going to fucking rock!

IT SUCKED ASS! IT WAS A DUMB DUMB DUMB STUPID DUMB BAG OF DUMB!

I LOST HOURS OF MY LIFE ON THIS SHITTY SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT!

FUCK YOU, TNT!

FUCK YOU, STEVEN SPIELBERG!

Sorry.

I was shouting.

Didn't mean to shout. Just got carried away.

Falling Skies is awful.

Awful.

UPDATE (7.27.12):

So somehow FS got another season because I saw it was on. Damnit. Fuck. Ok, but not with commercials. No fucking way. I DVR'd it to watch later, and blew past the commercial. Even cut into the story, I didn't care. I just wanted to see if it was going to do something different, something good. I kept thinking, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm a dumbass. Well, I'm a dumbass and it's still a steaming pile of shit.

True Blood - Aaaaaaay!

Dear True Blood,

I like you. I think it's cool you're vampy and campy. I dig the gay/anti-social metaphor stuff. I don't mind that everyone is hyper attractive, or that you're a bit over the top and 'fantastic'. (Well, to be honest, you're more than a little over the top.) I think your opening credit sequence is one on the best on TV - it's badass. I like Bon Temps. I like your peeps. I think you're a lot of fun.

But, um, this was a terrible season with everyone trying on everyone else. It was almost like you ran out of ideas. (Or blew your budget.) Acting-wise, it could have been a lot more interesting. Story-wise, it was just dull.

And then the finale... awful. There was about an hour of nothing that went nowhere, and then some mediocre stuff in the last minute. When I deleted it off my DVR, I couldn't help but think that I may not see you again.

Please don't be mad. Let me explain. You're familiar with jumping the shark, right? Of course you are - you being all pop culture savvy and everything. Well, I can't say that you actually jumped it. It's more like you gutted it, overcooked it, and served it up on a paper plate. I don't know that I can take another bite.

I feel like I've invested a lot of time with you. I told my friends about you. I 'liked' you on the Facebook. And each season I have looked forward to seeing you. But with this last 'season of the witch', I think you've lost me.

If we see each other, cool. But if not, let's not make it a thing, ok?

Take care.

9/11

I remember it was a beautiful fall day. The sun was shining in a bright blue sky and the air was slightly crisp. I went to work early to discuss a project for the assistant editors. We walked across the street to the hotel to get a coffee and sit around in comfortable chairs. People were in the lobby of the hotel watching the TV. They were pointing at the screen. A plane had hit one of the towers. I remember thinking it was a movie, but couldn't figure out why they were staying on one shot for so long. Black smoke was pouring out of the building.

'What happened,' I asked.

'A plane hit one of the twin towers.'

I assumed it was a small plane, that some dumbass had got too close. But it was a lot of smoke for a small plane.

I don't remember if I saw the second plane hit as it happened, or I saw it on replay, but I remember feeling dumb. I felt dumb because after the first plane hit, I heard people speak of it as terrorism. Until the second plane hit, I thought it was an accident.

Breaking Bad is Freaking Awesome

Breaking Bad is the BOMB, yo!

I knew there was a show that started with the letter B that I was supposed to watch. I had it narrowed down to Breaking Bad or Burn Notice. A few weekends ago I was home visiting my folks and they said, "You want to watch Burn Notice?"

Ok, sure.

So I watched it with them.

I love my parents. I really do. But I don't live at home, and can't supervise them. Whatever they want to do with their DVR is up to them. If they want to fill it up with LA Law, golf, and WWII specials - they are free to do so. So I'm not saying Burn Notice sucked, but it was a lot like the A Team, only more like the C Team.

Weak.

So I Netflixed the dvds of Breaking Bad when I got home and within the first two minutes I was like, Ahhhh, THIS is the show. My wife and I devoured the first season. Now we're closing in on the end of Season 2. It is SO. FUCKING. AWESOME.

It gives me Battlestar Gallactica pause, in which I keep thinking, how did I not know this was on? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Oh, right. It's about a science teacher who finds out he only has a few months to live - lung cancer. So he befriends a former student/current drug dealer and makes some pharmaceutical grade meth and gets caught up in the drug world. It's sort of like Walter Mitty meets Tony Montana. Actually, it is like that. Walt starts to shed his old life, and breaks bad.

Two words, people. Brill yent.

(Geek alert - it's now available to stream on the Netflix.)
(Geek alert - this is the site featured in the story in season 2. What's cool is that it goes to the Nat'l cancer coalition. Nice.)

Breaking Bad AMC