Best of 2013

These are my top 5's, because ain't nobody got time for 10...

My top 5 albums
Jonathan Wilson, Fanfare
Matthew E White, Big Inner
Jake Bugg, Jake Bugg
Kanye West, Yeezus *
Foxygen, We Are The 21st Century Ambassadors Of Peace & Magic

My top 5 TV shows
Breaking Bad
Boardwalk Empire
Top of the lake / Broadchurch / Luther (3 way tie)
Sesame Street
Minnie's Bow-Toons

My top 5 movies I wanted to see
Gravity / Inside Llewyn Davis (tie)
Nebraska / American Hustle (tie)
Enough Said
Captain Phillips / Saving Mr Banks (tie - anything with Forrest Gump)
Wolf of Wall Street / Blue Jasmine

My top 5 books
Hey Little Baby
Angelina at the Palace
Purplicious
Bella's Rules
I am a Bunny

My top 5 read later newsfeeders
Esquire
Salon / Slate / Huffington Post (3 way tie)
Fast Company
Raw Story / New York Times (tie)
9Gag

My top 5 days
Saturday
Sunday
Friday
Thursday
Tuesday

My top 5 parking levels
4 / 3 (tie)
7
5 (note - stairwell always smells like urine)
9
10

My top 5 beverages
Lemonade **
Dr Brown's Cel-Ray
Water
Pomegranate soda
Cranberry juice

My top 5 meats
Bone-in Ribeye
Skirt Steak / Turkey [from Tgiving] (tie)
Jerky (note to self - check Publican - apparently it's smoked unicorn)
Hamburger
Chicken (dark meat only)

My top 5 cheeses
Manchego
Mexican blend (shredded)
Pepper Jack
American Idol / The Voice (tie)
Comté

My top 5 condiments
Victor Mazzeo's Giardiniera ***
Hot sauce (anything that includes sriracha or ass somewhere on the label)
Mustard
BBQ sauce (anything Rufus Teague)
Salt

My top 5 butters
Sunflower
Almond
Peanut
Salted
Unsalted

My top 5 vegetables
Kale
Carrot / Chicken (tie)
Mushroom
Celery
Onion (red)

My top 5 fruits
Grape
Apple - Granny Smith / Pine (tie)
Pomegranate
Mango
Banana


BONUS:

My top yoga pose
Corpse

My top frozen pizza brand
Home Run Inn

My top pope
Pope Francis Awesomesauce


* KW could very well be the new Andy Kaufman brilliantly goofing on all of us, but he's probably just a dbag. Regardless, he put together a pretty great album.

** Don't know what the deal is with lemonade, but before the week ends Pam and I ALWAYS find ourselves saying, "Man, we should have got another carton."

*** But it eats like a meal. It's the bomb, y'all!

(Full disclosure: About the books, these are the ones I read over and over and over the most...)

FYI: Orange is the New Black will undoubtedly be on people's top TV lists. I have no idea why, other than why?

Candy Crush Saga, or Winter Boots

It all looked like candy; shades of grape, cherry, lemon, and sour apple. They were shiny bites of sweetness sure to get stuck in your teeth, or under foot.

My daughter was all over it.

"I want this one. And this one. I like that one."

She was a kid in a shoe store.

"Sweetie," I said. "Those are rain boots. You have rain boots. You need snow boots."

My wife held up a pair of Uggs.

Ugg, it's insane to buy Uggs for a four year old. But I was prepared. And really, I should have mentioned it earlier. I just didn't know they made Uggs that small.

"We can't," I said. "I've read too many bad things about Uggs."

"They're supposed to be really warm."

"Yes, but they treat their animals bad."

"Really?"

"Like really bad."

"Bad bad?"

"Bad bad."

My wife held up an Uggs boot with sequins. I shook my head and took out my phone.

"I can send you a link."

"No, I trust you. They're so cute, though."

Meanwhile, my daughter was on a double stitched welt high.

"These ones!"

She was a holding an Uggs leopard pink boot with a thick purple sole; something a tween astronaut would wear.

"No, sweetie. That's not a good one."

"But I like it."

"I know. How about this one?"

I held up something mostly black with pink accents. It looked tough, yet girlish.

"I don't like it."

A salesperson came over.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes," said my wife. "We need a winter boot that's warm, easy to take off and on. And pink."

"Or purple," my daughter chimed in.

"Or purple," said my wife.

The salesperson pointed out the different boots that were available. The 'cool' boots didn't come in my daughter's size. She was too little. And what was available they didn't have in her size.

Sigh...

"I like these ones. They have a kitty."

"Those are rain boots, sweetie."

Right next to the rain boots was a rack of rain accessories. My daughter reached for an umbrella just her size.

"I want this," she said. "It's just my size."

Double sigh.

My wife and I did a quick huddle.

"We know her size," I said. "Let's just order online."

Done.

I've been a Zappos customer for more than a decade. I have a comfortable shoe fetish that goes beyond whatever brands are available in a local shoe store. Yes, I know it's important to support small businesses, but the tiny lizard part of my brain demands I get something I haven't seen before, and that it sounds European (or Hawaiian) and include the word ergonomic somewhere in the description.

Further, I'm a VIP customer. I've actually received a hand written note from their customer service dept. I think it had something to do with the fact that at the turn of the century, I was the very first person in my office to purchase shoes online. Everyone said, 'That's crazy. Why would you buy shoes online? No one buys shoes online.' Now on any given day, it's commonplace to see a Zappos box up at the front desk.

When I get my daughter dressed, I can't present one pair of socks for her to wear. She will ALWAYS want a different pair. So I take out TWO, and she picks ONE.

Sunday night my wife and I ordered three pairs of boots. They each looked like a wad of chewing gum with a hook and loop closure or adjustable collar drawstring, but the reviews said they are warm, and easy to take off and on. They will arrive Tuesday.

UPDATE.

My daughter went with the Khombu Kids Juniper.






Peta video with Pink about sheep - http://youtu.be/KSw9XE5skj4

Cold Cycle, or Ice Ice Baby

I rode my bike yesterday. It was cold. Somewhere over the bridge where the wind whistles loudest, I think I got an ice cream headache.

It snowed off and on while I worked. I watched it blow sideways from the 25th floor. I also watched it snow up. I think it has something to do with, well, I don't know what it has do with.

Thermal dynamic updraft something blah blah blah...

Hello?

Science?

By the time I was ready to go home, it was late. Traffic had died down. No mad rush of cars.

I put on my helmet and gloves before going outside. The guy at the desk came up next to me, said it was below 32 earlier, but it warmed up so it was probably ok.

He and I never really talk. We just nod or do the half wave. Sometimes we say 'night.

"Thanks for the heads up," I said.

When I rode home, I was thankful the snow hadn't really stuck. Just some stuff on the curbs and sidewalks. As I got closer, I took the side streets. The surface looked slick.

Maybe it's just wet.

I took a wide turn a block from home. No problem.

But damn, it looks so glassy.

I breathed out a plume of steam.

I got to my street and squeezed the brake to slow down. But that was the thing. I didn't slow down. I just kept going. And then I was lying on my side, my bike on top of me.

Two things learned;

1) A frozen rode has no give

2) I could feel my hip bone.

A guy on the far corner yelled out, "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks."

He watched me get up before he walked away.

"Thanks," I said again.

It's nice when strangers do the exact thing I would do.

I walked my bike the rest of the way home and locked it up. It was nice to be home.