Chick-Fil-A-Holes, or Some Fowl Thinking...

I've long been disappointed by Chick-Fil-A's stance on Sunday. It's a day of rest, a day to worship, blah blah blah. I'm a Jew. And I feel slightly discriminated against. Of course, I'm pretty much agnostic. So I respect CFA's position. Good for them not having their employees work, or raking in all that weekend cash.

Bully for them!

So it doesn't surprise me AT ALL that Mr Cathy believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. It wasn't until a few months ago that our president said he believed any different. Of course, our president is a politician.

Right? Remember all that?

So when Mr Cathy said out loud, "Guilty as charged," he got crucified - pun intended. I got swept up in it, too.

How dare he be so unenlightened! How dare he not respect all walks of life? Who is he to say who should marry whom?

Etc...

But then I thought about it. And I changed positions.

All Cathy did was exercise his freedom of speech. I LOVE freedom of speech. I fucking love it. You can say what you want to say in this country. You can love who you want to love (issue notwithstanding), and you can hate who you want to hate.

The bible, apparently, has led Cathy to believe in a man/woman union. That doesn't make him a bad person. I believe differently. That doesn't make me a better person. But what makes Cathy 'less than good' is what he does with his money.

That said (and linked above), not everyone in the roost feels the same way, and there is plenty that CFA does for its communities concerning blood drives, giving food to the homeless, etc - which is ultimately GOOD.

And besides, doesn't Nike and the Gap own slaves in Asia or something? I mean, not everyone can be Ben & Jerry's or Patagonia.

Bam! Cluck off, mothercluckers!

So thinking again, I was back to eating at CFA. [Full disclosure: I eat at CFA maybe 3 times a year.] I wasn't going to be 'cowed' into not eating it. After all, being politically correct is not without its creepiness and groupthink as well. I mean, I don't pledge allegiance to a fucking chicken sandwich. And I don't want to have to choose between red foods and blue foods every time I leave my house. Also, my ignorance on how they raise and slaughter their chickens is sweet breaded bliss. (Sigh...)

But then I read this on a friend's FB post:

I have a hard time seeing the issue of equality as just one of those things people can disagree on, like it was the same as an opinion about a television program or a consumer product. Because it's not. It's people's lives and happiness. I'm glad that you have gay friends you feel close to. But if you don't support their right to be married, it's a little like having black friends but supporting Jim Crow laws. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think it's an apt analogy.

Damn, he's right. Same sex marriage isn't Coke Zero vs Diet Coke. A soft drink is a soft drink. Equal is equal.

Ok, but what about the slippery slope of plural marriage?

Well, let's not go there yet. Let's get this one out of the gate first.

So thinking yet again - I was now back to NOT eating at CFA...

Snap!

Ultimately, this isn't about chicken sandwiches. It's about politics, religion, and sexual identity; which, if these were ingredients, would be a shit sub dripping in hate sauce and anger garnish.

Actual living/working politicians have suggested a ban on CFA. Whoa... Refusing to grant a permit to build a CFA because of what its COO personally believes is un-American. Period. That's not how we do it, people. No one wants the thought police.

(It upsets me to no end that I'm with Sarah Palin on this.)

Bottom line, I'm not eating CFA. Cathy's statement/position has ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm sure with enough time I will fill it again with snow white breaded chicken breasts, waffle fries, and sweet tea. But for right now, I'm giving Cathy a timeout.

You think about what you said, sir. You think about it long and hard.

[Fullest disclosure: my wife LOVES CFA. Years ago on our way to a wedding dinner in Dallas, we stopped for a chicken sandwich. True story. I've had them. They're delicious. Also, I have found that every CFA I've ever been to has been clean and friendly. Every. One. It's always been a good fast food experience.]

Traveling this weekend, my wife (knowing we weren't going to stop at CFA) asked, "Should we stop at Culvers?"

"I don't know," I said. "What's their position on abortion and stem cell research?"





PS. Really, what about what CFA does to the diabetic and obese? That's the crime! How are the round and rotund supposed resist all that's tender, juicy, and breaded?

Annnnd now we're on to universal health care, which is a whole other can of deep fried worms.

#Olympics

So I've been sort of half watching the Olympics.

No, that's not it. I have no idea what's going on.

The social media and news outlets combined with the universal broadcasting rights in the Venn diagram of Greenwich Mean Time have me all confused.

That is, my phone and internet tell me things as they happen, and then my TV tells me in widescreen HD glory half a day later. My Olympic experience is a micromoment of factual joy sans nail-biting thrill, like a suspended automatic nostalgia.

Let's start with the opening ceremonies? They piped in 'sulphur smell' for the part about the industrial revolution? Whuh? Seriously? And then... what... was... everything?

Is that a shire? Are they now removing sod? Is Kenneth Branagh the ghost of Olympics past? Ok, now there's dancing, texting, and status updates... Wait, what's happening? Who's the girl with the big hair? That's the guy who invented the internet - not Robert Cailliau and Vinton Cerf? Beckham as Bond? Bond and the Queen skydiving? Ok, that was kinda cool, but corny - props to the queen, though. But Mr Bean gets a whole 'Chariots of Fire' bit? Is that Vodlemort? WHAT... IS... GOING... ON?

Just give us amazing fireworks and Paul McCartney. Otherwise China kicked everyone's ass from 2008.

All I know is that I'm vaguely disappointed Michael Phelps didn't win a gold medal in EVERYTHING he swam. (Yes, sure, he's the most decorated Olympic athlete in history, but I just wanted more. Didn't we all?) And NBC seems to be all over the place, but not in a good way.

Also, the woman's* gymnastics team makes me feel inadequate; like I'm some sort of soft fat un-limber man. Yet, somehow I feel superior in how I choose to wear my hair (or lack thereof). The gymnasts' hair is pulled back and staple gunned SO FREAKING TIGHT, they are unable to blink. But maybe that's the secret to their balance beam success.

Lastly, beyond gymnastics, aren't we all sort of checking for Olympic cameltoes and wedgies during beach volleyball and diving? No? Just me?

(Hmmm, I think that last part was out loud. Ooops.)

And when did wearing bras on the outside become a thing? Or is that just Australia?

Speaking of Australia. Two words; Michelle Jenneke.

Ok, back to your regular scheduled programming.

USA! USA!

PS. NBC, what are you doing? Seriously?

* At the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, the women's gymnastics team is really a girl's gymnastic team. There is only one who is 18. Totally get that youth is unappreciated/uncelebrated in this country and that greatness knows no age, but shouldn't there be a 'tween Olympics or something? Because it seems unfair to train balls out as a kid and lose parts of your childhood. And that as a college freshman you are considered over the hill. Ok, soapbox removed. Have a nice day!