#Proof

I do the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge. What follows is my assignment/story.

Group 9
Genre: Drama
Location: A bank vault
Object: A drop of blood
612 words

(Yes, this story is all told in tweets.)

Synopsis: @EasyBake1977 and @Lucifer666 pull off a heist, but there are unwanted guests along for the ride.



Easybake1977 16m
@Lucifer666 How’s it look?

Lucifer666 16m
@EasyBake1977 Quiet. Not too many people.

Easybake1977 16m
@Lucifer666 To confirm, you’re cool witht his?

Lucifer666 16m
@EasyBake1977 Yes. In and out. #NoBig

Easybake1977 16m
@Lucifer666 And you have the key?

Lucifer666 16m
@EasyBake1977 In m pocket.

Easybake1977 15m
@Lucifer666 Last chance to back out.

Lucifer666 15m
@EasyBake1977 No, I’m in,! Let’s do this!!!

Easybake1977 14m
@Lucifer666 OK. I’m in the mainframe. Just give me a sec. One m]ore security wall…

Lucifer666 14m
@EasyBake1977 Standing by…

Easybake1977 13m
@Lucifer666 ALL SYSTEMS DOWN! YOU ARE GOOD TO GO!

Lucifer666 13m
@EasyBake1977 Fuck! There’s a gourd!

Easybake1977 13m
@Lucifer666 Gourd?

Lucifer666 23m
@EasyBake1977 #Spellcheck.

Lucifer666 13m
@EasyBake1977 Going!!!

Lucifer666 11m
@EasyBake1977 I’M IN! I’m in the back. Right at the vaulet. Need code!

Lucifer666 11m
@EasyBake1977 Code! CODE CODOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucifer666 11m
@EasyBake1977 CODE!!!!!!!

Easybake1977 11m
@Lucifer666 16 25 75 6 88 9 12 45

Easybake1977 11m
@Lucifer666 Sorry. Bathroom.

Lucifer666 10m
@EasyBake1977 BATHROOM?! WTF!

Easybake1977 10m
@Lucifer666 This is STRESSFUL. You kno3 anbout my #IBS!

Lucifer666 10m
@EasyBake1977 Keep your shit together! #seewhatididthere I’m in.

Easybake1977 10m
@Lucifer666 Seriously?

Lucifer666 10m
@EasyBake1977 WHAT??! YES! I’M IN THE FUCKING VAULT!

Easybake1977 10m
@Lucifer666 LOL but don’t make fun of #IBS.

Lucifer666 10m
@EasyBake1977 FUCK!!!

Easybake1977 10m
@Lucifer666 What?

Easybake1977 9m
@Lucifer666 What’s going on?

Easybake1977 9m
@Lucifer666 ????????????

Lucifer666 9m
@EasyBake1977 We’re good. Had to take out a bank employee.

Easybake1977 9m
@Lucifer666 Take out? WTF? That;s not what we agreed on! NOOOOO! You werent supopsed to kill anyone!!! You have a gun? NO GUNS! What? I ca

Lucifer666 9m
@EasyBake1977 FAKE. Fake out. We’re fine. #DeepBreaths Which box?

Easybake1977 8m
@Lucifer666 23301

Bonerdude12 8m
@Lucifer666 @EasyBake1977 I’m late to the party here, but is this a robbery? R u live tweeting a robbery?

Lucifer666 8m
@EasyBake1977 Need to get a chair. It’s up high.

Easybake1977 8m
@Lucifer666 Not much time!

Lucifer666 8m
@EasyBake1977 Got it. Ther’s a bunch of stuff in here? What am I looking for?

Bonerdude12 8m
@HottieHotHot R u seeing this… @Lucifer666 @EasyBake1977

Easybake1977 7m
@Lucifer666 It’s a slide. A microscope slide. There will be a red dot right in the center.

Lucifer666 7m
@EasyBake1977 Got it.

HottieHotHot 7m
OMG! I’m totally seeing this! RT”@Bonerdude12: @HottieHotHot R u seeing this… @Lucifer666 @EasyBake1977”

Easybake1977 7m
@Lucifer666 20 seconds and security comes back online.

Lucifer666 6m
@EasyBake1977 I have to put the box. Back/

Easybake1977 6m
@Lucifer666 JUST LEAVE IT IT DOESNT MATTER!

Bonerdude12 6m
@Lucifer666 @EasyBake1977 I’m no #Columbo, but r u stealing a #dropofblood because #DUH!

HottieHotHot 6m
#ROTFL @Bonerdude12! You should be on @LawAndOrder!!!

Bonerdude12 6m
In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.

HottieHotHot 5m
@Bonerdude12 #MindBlown Totally favoriting! And I’m thinking YOU’RE hottiehothot! LOL! ;-)

Lucifer666 5m
@EasyBake1977 I’m out! #PIECEOFCAKE! Adrenelin!

Easybake1977 5m
@HottieHotHot Not @Bonerdude12’s line. Hunter S THompson.

Easybake1977 5m
@Lucifer666 AWESOME! YOU THE MAN! Thank you!

Bonerdude12 5m
@Easybake1977 WTF? Don’t be #cockblocking me! I’ll fuck ypou up and screengrabd your tweets! FUCK OFF DUDE!!!

Easybake1977 4m
@Bonerdude Screengrab all you want. Tweets are fleeting. They’re fiction. There is no #DNA in a tweet. #NoEvidence

Lucifer666 3m
@Easybake1977 Who are Boner and Hottie? I thought we were in PRIVATE MODE!!!

Easybake1977 3m
@Lucifer666 I forgot to switch the thing.

Lucifer666 3m
@Easybake1977 So are we fucked or what??????

Easybake1977 3m
@Lucifer666 No.

Easybake1977 2m
@Lucifer666 We should be fine. #NoBig

MetroPolice 1m
Actually @Lucifer666 @EasyBake1977 you might be in a little trouble.

Bonerdude12 6s
Last laugh right here, bitches! RT”@metropolice: Actually @Lucifer666 @EasyBake1977 you might be in a little trouble.”

Socks with Sandals

I do the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge. What follows is my assignment/story.

Group 9
Genre: Comedy
Location: An upscale restaurant
Object: A photo album
1000 words

Synopsis: During dinner, Gary is forced to come to terms with his girlfriend and sense of fashion.



Gary Lemon never took off his hat. It was a red beanie, the kind that was in fashion among hipsters; the kind worn with mustaches, ironic t-shirts, and skinny jeans. But Gary wasn’t a hipster. And he didn’t wear skinny jeans. If it was up to Gary he’d wear shorts all the time.

“Shorts let my legs breathe.”

Much to the dismay of his girlfriend (and most people), it became high fashion to wear socks with sandals.

“Please, Gary. You look like a German.”

“Bah. I’m ahead of my time. Besides, socks keep my feet from sweating.”

People’s real dismay came from the fact that Gary had a girlfriend. Her name was Aurora.

“I think I’ll just call you Dawn,” said Gary upon first meeting Aurora while posting a flyer for his band.

“Why would you do that, Dick?”

“I like you.”

Aurora looked at the flyer. “Fleshlump?”

“Yeah. The name was my idea.”

“Lump is better.”

Since then they’d been dating for a year. To celebrate they decided to go out for dinner somewhere fancy.

“How about Le Grande?” asked Aurora.

“Is that the place where the d and e are both silent?”

“I think so.”

“Ok.”

“You have to wear pants.”

Le Grande was downtown in the old Dale Granderson Box factory. The inside was modern and sleek, but the outside was worn and weathered. The front door was original to the factory.

“Hello,” said the maître d as they entered. “Welcome to Le Grande. Do you have a reservation?”

“Yes,” said Gary. “Two for Lemon.”

“Ah, yes. If you’ll follow me I’ll bring you to your table. Sir, may I ask you to remove your hat?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your beanie. We don’t allow hats in the dining area.”

Gary looked at Aurora, then back at the maître d.

“I’m already wearing pants, man.”

A teen and his parents were leaving. The boy was wearing a cardigan, but his t-shirt was clearly visible. The opposite of wrinkly - #irony.

“Dude,” said the teen when he saw Gary. “Are you in Lump?”

Gary nodded.

“You guys are awesome. I love Lump.”

Gary smiled as he watched the boy and his parents exit the factory door. He turned back to the maître d. As Gary opened his mouth, words came out, but they weren’t his.

“It’s a medical condition,” said Aurora. “He has something call curd scalp. It makes the top of his head look like cottage cheese. It’s sort of embarrassing so…”

“Oh my god, that’s awful,” said the maître d. “I’m so sorry. Please keep that on and follow me.” He led them to a table and gave them menus. “Your waiter will be with you shortly. Again, I’m so sorry.”

Gary looked at Aurora.

“Curd scalp?”

“I’ve had that in my back pocket for awhile.”

“Well played.”

Aurora pretended to look at the menu. Gary studied his.

“I’m not sure if I want the Steak Diane or the Steak Florentine. They both sound so deliciously feminine and formal.”

“Gar?”

“Ror?”

“Why do you wear that hat all the time?”

Gary put his menu down.

“Seriously? Are we going to do this? Now? Here?”

Aurora widened her eyes. Gary narrowed his.

“I just do,” Gary and Aurora said at the same time.

“I know,” said Aurora touching his arm. “Can I show you something?”

Aurora took out her phone. After a series of taps and swipes, she handed it to Gary.

“Go ahead,” she said. “There are about three hundred pictures in that album. In every single one of them is that hat. Every single one. Even when we went to the lake.”

Gary thumbed through the photos. Every now and then a smile would float across his face. He laughed and turned the phone to Aurora. “Remember how bad that smelled?”

“Gary,” said Aurora. “I’ve never seen you without your hat. You sleep with it. It’s me, you, and your hat when we’re in bed. I’m just going to go ahead and say it - it’s weird.”

“It’s not that weird.”

“It’s pretty weird.”

“What if it was a wig?”

“Exactly. Because it’s not.”

Gary took a sip of water.

“Do you know what you want?” asked the waiter who suddenly appeared behind Gary.

“No,” said Gary almost doing a spit take. “We need another minute.”

Aurora put her phone back in her purse and looked at Gary.

“I know it’s crazy because what are the odds,” she said. “But is it curd scalp?”

Gary smiled and shook his head.

“No.”

“Well then what?”

Gary leaned forward in his chair, took a deep breath.

“Ok,” he whispered. “It’s my skull. I don’t like the shape of my skull. It’s flat in back.”

Gary sat back and waved his hand as if to say, ta dah!

“That’s it?”

“Yes,” said Gary. “That’s it.”

The maître d came over to the table.

“Excuse me, we’re pretty busy tonight. Tony said he tried to take your-“

“We need another minute,” interrupted Gary.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” said Aurora.

“It is. It’s like a board. It’s like a kitchen counter. It’s like earth pre-Columbus.”

“Prove it!”

“Fine!”

Gary pulled off his hat.

The maître d screamed and fell into the table behind him. Plates and glasses flew up in the air, then shattered on the floor. The restaurant fell silent. All eyes went from Gary to the maître d.

“Are you okay, man?” asked Gary.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry. I just, I thought...” The maître d stared at Gary’s head and then glowered at him. “I do not appreciate being made the fool.”

“I’m sorry,” said Gary. “My head is flat in back. Like I was dropped on my head as a baby. I’m very self-conscious. In fact, this is the first time my girlfriend has ever seen me without my hat.”

“Oh,” said the maître d wiping potatoes from his jacket. “It’s not that bad.”

“It’s a little flat,” said Aurora. “But no worse than socks with sandals.”

The Chafed Red Wrists of Fisher Poleman

I do the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge from time to time. What follows is my assignment/story.

[Full disclosure: I had to look up historical fiction.]

Group 10
Genre: Historical Fiction
Location: A psychiatric hospital
Object: A ship in a bottle
1000 words

Synopsis: Fisher Poleman has spent two years in the Danvers State Hospital. Like the screaming in his head, his wants his treatments to stop.

The screaming got Fisher Poleman out of bed. He went to the window, slid his chafed red wrists through the bars and lifted. The New England air was crisp and he could smell the wet leaves returning to the soil. It reminded him of walking to school as a boy and the gray cat he once found. He remembered the way its whiskers tickled the back of his hands as he stopped its breathing.

To the east, the sun would soon pop up like a golden coin. To the west, he could make out the tower. The lights were on and he saw a horned figure standing in the window. Fisher rubbed his eyes and looked to the tower again. There was no figure and no light. Fisher sat down and stared at the palms of his hands. They were the bellies of spiders.

After today, there would be no more treatments.

The speaker crackled at his door.

“Mister Poleman, the orderlies will be up to receive you shortly.”

Fisher put on his uniform. It was still stiff and he was careful around his chest where the hair had been burned away from therapy. The uniform was white and resembled the gray staff uniform, except in the back where it said DANVERS, it said PATIENT.

Throughout his two-year stay at the facility, Fisher liked seeing the uniform on his fellow residents. He imagined them all as solitary figures quietly waiting for help. But he’d only been in a month when the Archduke Ferdinand and his wife were assassinated. Droves of young men his age started to show up soon after that. They joked and laughed and talked about how Danvers was like a wellness center and by the time they got out the war would be over. But to the staff and the doctors they spoke of visions and paranoia. For Fisher the visions were real, the paranoia at hand.

The knock at the door startled Fisher. He listened to the click clack of locks and the bolt sliding through the slats. The door opened. Two orderlies stood next to a wheel chair.

“Good morning, Mister Poleman. How are you feeling?”

“Spry,” said Fisher. “In fact-“

“You can tell Doctor Axelrod when you see him,” interrupted the other orderly motioning toward the chair.

Fisher turned and sat down. The wood groaned beneath him, the wicker stretched against his back.

“Your wrists, please” said the first orderly.

“Of course.”

Fisher placed his arms along the rests. Each orderly took a side and pulled the straps tight. Fisher winced slightly, but not that anyone could see.

As Fisher glided along the South corridor, he looked out the tall windows onto the great lawn. Patients sat on benches in the sunlight, and waited quietly. Staff hovered nearby. A flight a sparrows swooped and dove among the trees.

The elevator took them to the fifth floor of the tower. The first orderly knocked on the door, which opened immediately. Doctor Axelrod was a tall man with a barrel chest and a thick black beard.

“You’re four minutes late,” said Axelrod staring down the orderlies before tucking away his pocket watch. “Bring him in.”

Axelrod walked behind his desk and motioned the orderlies where to place Fisher. Behind Axelrod were shelves containing books, plaques and framed pictures of family. The top shelf held a large bottle with a ship inside. Axelrod looked himself squarely in the mirror across from him on the far wall and cracked his knuckles. He stole a quick look at his profile before taking his chair.

“And you can dispense with those,” he said waving his hands toward Fisher’s wrists.

Fisher rubbed his wrists and politely nodded at Axelrod who retuned the gesture.

“That will be all,” said Axelrod dismissing the orderlies.

“I know it’s been hard for you, Fisher,” continued Axelrod as the door closed, his hand firmly on the file in front of him. “Your family has paid a lot of money to keep you here. You’re not like those pacifist cowards.”

Fisher shook his head.

Axelrod pulled on his beard.

“Any visions lately?” he asked.

“No.”

“How about screaming? Do you still hear screaming?”

“No.”

Axelrod nodded, pulled his beard.

“I think another month of treatments,” he said. “And we’ll meet again, alright?”

Fisher was staring up at the top shelf.

“May I?”

Axelrod looked behind him.

“The ship? Sure. Just be careful.”

Axelrod stood so Fisher could reach up and take it down. It was heavier than he thought.

“Must be twenty-five pounds,” said Fisher.

“Got it in Crowhurst. Ever been there?”

“No.”

“It’s lovely.”

Fisher stared into the bottle.

“Well,” he said. “It’s exquisite.”

“Sometimes I can hear waves,” Axelrod chuckled.

Fisher started to put the bottle back on the shelf.

“I can never figure how they get the masts up inside,” he said. “It seems impossible.”

“They do that last. After it’s all built, they reach in and pull the masts up.”

“Oh, right,” said Fisher as he gently rocked the bottle back in its place. “I forgot.”

Fisher turned to see Axelrod staring at him in the mirror.

“You held that bottle right over my head. You could have crushed my skull like a grape, but not even a hesitation.”

Fisher shook his head.

The two men smiled at each other in the mirror. Axelrod put his hand on the back of Fisher’s neck. Fisher sheepishly put his hand on the back of Axelrod’s neck. They beamed at their reflections.

“Well,” said Axelrod, “I think we’ve had a breakth-“

Fisher’s other hand flew up into Axelrod’s throat. The sound of cartilage snapping and the sputtering of breath filled the room. Axelrod tried to pull Fisher’s hands away, but the spiders held fast. Fisher noticed the curious way Axelrod’s beard felt on the back of his hands. As Axelrod’s body went limp, Fisher looked into the mirror at the ship in the bottle with its full white masts. There was no more screaming, only waves.