Meat Ethics

My sister sent me a contest link. It was to the NY Times Ethicist, to write a 600 word essay on why it's ethical to eat meat. I did not make the cut, but you can go here to see what did. They clearly thought it out more than I did.

Mine is below...

Us and Them (592 words)

Ethically there are plenty of reasons to eat animals. The earth would be overrun with cows, chickens, and pigs for one. Okay, maybe chickens are no big deal. But a cow is pretty much like a Camry. And those pigs at the state fair – a Prius at least. You think there’s gridlock now?

Which brings us to dung. Think about the huge amounts - NO - let’s go right to all the methane produced. Boy, howdy! I’m not a scientician, but I’m pretty sure this amount of gas unleashed into the atmosphere would destroy the ozone and leave us all quickly crisping and sizzling in the sun… like bacon in a hot skillet on a cold Novem-

Sorry, distracted.

I think the most obvious ethical reason to eat animals is to keep them from eating us. Duh. I include this poem I wrote in the 9th grade as evidence.

O'er the Fields They did Come

I woke up that morning to the sound of a moo
Inside my head the worries they grew
I looked out my window and saw with surprise
Renegade cows a great many in size
I was filled with much fear and suddenly felt numb
For cows were here, o'er the fields they did come

I saw them come down my very own street
Plodding along with greatly hoofed feet
Their udders were as daggers and their horns were as swords
They closed the horizon these bovine hordes
I had to warn the neighbors but my voice had gone mum
For the cows were here, o'er the fields they did come

I could hear the nearing of their bellows and roars
so I ran down the stairs and locked all the doors
I looked out the window to see they'd marched up the lane
The look in their eyes said they meant to pillage and maim
I knew what was to happen and felt awfully glum
For the cows were here, o'er the fields they did come

They marched to the Smith's house like blood thirsty teams
I sat there and listened to the blood curdling screams
The squirrels screamed, "Bloody murder" Robins echoed their call
The cows paid them no mind and continued their maul
I hadn't gave warning and felt like a crumb
For the cows were here, o'er the fields they did come

From house to house they killed and destroyed
This was their goal and thus they enjoyed
They laughed and giggled and chuckled and snorted
Their minds were twisted as well as distorted
I sat in my home so helpless and dumb
For the cows were here, o'er the fields they did come

Time was fast running out and so was my luck
I thought quickly and encircled my house with ground chuck
The cows were sickened and at once they did flee
I'd saved the town and certainly me
I stood there the victor my heart like a drum
For the cows had left, o'er the fields they had come

In closing, I love animals. I wouldn’t eat them if they weren’t so delicious. Although; more honestly, I wouldn’t eat them if there weren’t butchers. I have a hard enough time doing away with spiders and creepy crawlies. In fact, I usually collect them in a paper towel and toss them outside. (My wife is the killer.) Full disclosure - I hunt and gather at the grocery.

Sadly, I consider veal a vegetable and won't eat it. Same with foie gras. But concerning everything else – ethically speaking - I'm doing my part.