Facebook For Men (10 Rules)

10) Stop changing your profile picture. You're not a teenage girl. And stop changing your cover photo for the same damn reason. In other words, think of these things like your hair.

9) No one cares what you think about mental health or gun control. You haven't done the research and neither have they. And again, no one gives a fuck what you have to say about it.

8) You're not that witty or hilarious. Stop trying to be.

7) You're not that smart either. Don't portend to be. (See what I did there? It's wrong.)

6) Stop liking EVERYTHING. No one likes EVERYTHING.

5) Stop cheering for your team. Do that shit on Twitter.

4) If something is truly hilarious/amazing - share it. If not, don't. Emphasis on don't.

3) Depending on your hirsuteness, post as often as you shave - not more than once a day, and certainly not more than two or three times a week. If you shave everyday, you shouldn't be on Facebook at all. You should be on match.com or Jdate.

2) Don't be THAT GUY; specifically a jackass, asshole, or anything with ass.

1) Your feelings are like your dreams and workouts. No one wants to hear that shit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D: I don’t understand. I post something on Facebook that’s important to me, like how I feel about Sandyhook and no one comments or likes anything. I post something about my dog or my kids and everyone likes it.

S: Don’t you understand what Facebook is? It’s just polite tiny conversation. That’s it.

D: What do you mean?

S: Watch. Ask me how I’m doing today.

D: How are you doing today?

S: Fine, thanks.

D: What?

S: That’s it. That’s Facebook. There’s nothing else. No one cares.

D: I don’t get it.

S: Ask me again.

D: How are you doing today?

S: Fuck off.