An Open Letter to NC

Dear North Carolina,

I feel like I don't even know you. Sure, we've only met a few times - mostly through Steve - but I thought you were cool and carefree. I thought you were fun and hip. Doesn't Zach Galifianakis own a farm with you?

I remember there was that donut place, that beautiful park, and all that lovely furniture.

We hung out at the beach...

We had BBQ together. It was so good!

I thought, well, I don't know what I thought.

Although now that I think about it, I remember going to that flea market and seeing all those racist ashtrays. That was weird. That was kind of disturbing actually. And those pickups in the parking lot with their gun racks... Unsettling if you want to know the truth.

Amendment 1? Seriously? You're that lame and square? You're that uptight? That uncool?

Really, Raleigh?

You're homophobia is totally showing. It's embarrassing.

I'm not trying to get all dramatic here, but doesn't that just fan the flames of hate? By default? I mean what about people who are gay? Can you even imagine how they feel? How are they supposed - oh, wait. Right. That's what this is about.

I thought you were better than that. I really did. I might expect this from South Carolina, but not you.

I don't know. This is weird. I feel like we can't even be friends. I don't even want to make eye contact.

Honestly, this is very awkward. And disappointing. I think it's best we don't see each other for awhile. And in the meantime, I need you think about this.

I never thought I'd say this, but I wish you were more like Maryland.